How Do We Resolve Conflicts?

Documentation for the week of  August 29- September 2, 2016

Problem solving and conflict resolution are some of the most important aspects of learning in early childhood. If a child has the ability to solve their own problems truly engrained in their mind, before they turn five, they will be capable of problem solving for the rest of their life. It is a skill that is required no matter what you decide to do. You are more likely to be successfully in school, at work, and in relationships if you can see where there is conflict and have the reasoning, executive functioning, and communication skills to work through it.

So How Do We Teach Problem Solving in the Rainbow Class?

There are three things that children need most from us so that they can learn these important skills:

1) Space to have conflict.

2) Time to practice resolving conflict on their own.

3) Coaching and modeling from adults when they get stuck.

Let's walk through a conflict that occurred in our classroom to share how these three steps work. As open exploration time began, Bayla and Imie both wanted a purse. This shows how the classroom was set up to provide opportunity for conflict: I could have chosen to put out several purses for the children to choose from, but instead I put out one purse. This is something you will see throughout our classroom. There are not always enough scissors out for each child or glue sticks or pots and pans, etc. 

Once Imie and Bayla started pulling on the purse, the Morahs did not immediately intervene.

We allowed time for them to practice solving the conflict with each other, and for their friends to decide if they wanted to help. As the conflict grew more intense, Ariel F. pointed at them from the library and said, "They're fighting."

I asked her and Ariel S., "What should we do?" Ariel S. said, "Nothing. We should keep reading our book." I agreed that this was a valid choice for them, as it is not always safe for children to intervene in other children's conflicts. They went back to their work looking at a book together.

At this point Bayla and Imie were both very upset. Bayla was yelling, "But I had it first!" Imie was yelling, "But I want to be the mommy!"

I noticed that Oree and Eliya were also watching the conflict occur. I asked Oree if she wanted to help them figure out a solution to their problem. She said, "No." Eliya asked Oree, "Do you want me to help them, Oree?" Oree shook her head so I asked her and Eliya if they would like to send them well-wishes: a skill we have been practicing during davening time. Oree said, "Yes," and, together, we put our hands on our hearts, took a deep breath, and said out loud, "We wish you well." This action is extremely powerful for young children and adults alike. It allows us to take action without putting ourselves at risk. Oree and Eliya were able to feel like they assisted their friends, and provided Oree with the confidence to assist later on.

After a few more minutes, I kneeled on the floor, and said to Imie and Bayla, "I see that you both want the purse. Is this working?" They both yelled their arguments louder at me in hopes that I would decide for them who should get the purse. Instead, I said, "I hear Imie saying that she wants to be the mommy and Bayla saying that she had the purse first. Does pulling on the bag, yelling, and crying decide who gets a turn with the bag?" (It is possible that this could have solved the problem if one of them was stronger than the other. This time they were equally matched, and pulling didn't make a difference.) Imie and Bayla stopped pulling and grew quiet. 

Oree joined us and, pointing at Imie, said, "Yeah, she got it first. No I saw that she got it first. She was picking up this.

Imie responded to Oree's comment, "I dropped it, and I was going to get it. She took it. I was going somewhere." 

Bayla asked Imie, "Can we share it?"

Imie said, "Yeah, but can I have it first?"

Bayla said, "Yes, and then me and then you and then me and then you."

After all this work, Imie said, "I don't need it," Oree took the bag after Imie took a turn, Imie told Oree, "Oree give it to her," and Oree handed it to Bayla. 

Now Bayla had another problem to solve: she was very upset and tired from the fight she had with Imie.  She decided to get a tissue to blow her nose. Then she asked Morah Tara to hold her. They sat together until Bayla felt ready to find new work to do in the classroom.

So what about being first?

The Morahs noticed that the argument, "I had it first!" was coming up a lot in pleas for materials. Morah Tara challenged Eliya and Leah to make decisions in other ways instead.

Morah Tara saw Leah and Eliya deciding who would get to build with a square plank. She said, "Instead of 'I had it first,' let's decide by asking, 'What's your plan?'"

 

Leah took a turn showing Eliya and Morah Tara that she planned to put the plank on top of her tower where she was creating a pattern of 1 plank, 1 shoebox block, 1 plank, 1 shoebox block. Eliya watched her share her plan, then tried to come up with a plan of his own, placing the plank in between two blocks in his tower, and his tower started to fall down. Eliya realized that Leah had a better plan for the plank that he had gotten first. He said to Leah, "Okay, here Leah. I build with small blocks now."

Leah said, "See, mine didn't fall."

Eliya responded, "You can use all of these ones, Leah."

Leah said, "Thank you, Eliya.

Simple Ways to Encourage Problem Solving

Here are some other ways that we encourage problem solving throughout the preschool day that could be useful to try at home:

1. We acknowledge that a child is struggling and ask open ended questions when children get stuck: "I see that you are trying to open your snack container. I wonder what might happen if you ask a friend to help you. What else could you do?"
2. Once the children learn the classroom routine, we ask questions about sequencing instead of telling them what to do next: "You put your lunch on your hook! That was a helpful choice! What are you going to do next?"
3. When a child trips or bumps into something, etc., we give them time to assess the situation on their own and are available if they decide they need help, reassurance, or a hug.

How Does Your Family Solve Problems?

What ways do you notice your child finding resolutions on their own? Do you have any strategies or key phrases that work for you? We would love to hear more about them in school or in the comments section of the blog where we can open up a dialogue. It is great for us as teachers to know what works for your child, and we would be so grateful for anything you are willing to share with us!